A Resurrection Prayer
When my youngest was born, I started an 18-month journey to lose 100 pounds. It was not easy. I learned a number of lessons during that journey – some I remember and some I have forgotten. This post is a reminder of what I thought I had forgotten.
A couple weeks ago, I remembered a prayer I had written during my journey and went in search for it.
It took some effort to find a copy, but I did, and I taped it up on my kitchen cabinet in an effort to stop myself from eating. The exact opposite of what the prayer intends…I mean really, Mitzie. Honestly, even though it was there, I didn’t actually “see” it again. Until today. Today, I took it down. I held it in my hand, and I read it, over and over to myself.
A Resurrection Prayer
God of creation, God of design, I call out to you from the place in my soul that hurts and yields to hopelessness.
I do not like what I see in the mirror, or how I feel about myself – the self you created good.
I spend time on nothingness and mindlessness instead of engaging my body and mind with active, life-giving work and activities.
I continue in relationships that keep me from you and bring me down because at the moment it feels better than being alone – even though you give endless examples of calling relationships what they are through truth and openness.
I fill myself with toxic options that eat away at my body and distract my mental efforts from doing the most good for myself, my neighbors, and my family.
I continue to carry closely the demons that imprison me from being open to new relationships, for fear of more hurt and pain.
I say yes to more than I can handle and fill time with the chaos that keeps me from spending the best of my time with you in prayer and worship.
And Lord, I eat to manage it all. I eat to make it stop. I eat to bring me joy. I eat.
I call out to you now! This is the mess I am!
Forgive me and don’t give up on me.
Remind me of your presence when I feel more of the world and less of you.
Make me aware of what my body and soul need to be healthy and good.
Show me what YOU see when I look in the mirror.
Be the guiding force that encourages me to decide this day to choose myself well.
In the name of the one who died, rose and will come again, God of grace I ask you to resurrect me from me.
Amen
While I wrote this prayer during my weight loss journey, in today’s world, it speaks much more deeply to me. God speaks more deeply to me. Lately, I have been feeling much more of the world and much less of God. So many hurtful and negative things maneuver to monopolize my allegiances and my brain just can’t keep up. I want to block things out, people out, social media out. I want to scream into the noise to rise above it and make it hear me when I say, “stop.”
I want to bury my mind in the sand just to find a grain of silence with which to be able to think in and among. I want this, but I can’t find it. I’ve been trying to pray, and it hasn’t come. Until today.
Today, God, I hear you. I hear you calling out from inside the world’s noise. I hear you calling me to turn back toward the cross. I hear the grain of silence I need to refocus, redirect…to turn. And so, I turn…knowing I will need to turn again, be resurrected again and again from myself.
Today, as with all days, is a slow, imperfect journey toward the cross.