The 12 Days of Christmas - Start at Midnight
No lie, this has been the hardest “Christmas/Advent” season of all time. I have certainly had moments of watching my favorite Christmas movies, but my body is weary and worried about the people I love. So many of my friends and family continue to struggle with the realities of the pandemic and the weight of growing bouts of depression, death of loved ones, job changes, and meanness in the world. I know that deep down I am supposed to feel joy, but it seems the small glimpses of it are struggling to latch on and remain.
Perhaps it is that Covid is returning in Omicron force, perhaps it is the ongoing persistence of the pandemic that seems to be dividing those last faithful congregation members, perhaps it is the long conversations with friends who feel helpless, but this December hurts my heart.
This December Hurts My Heart
Social media and ads these last couple of days have been filled with messages of 12 Days of Christmas Sales and Advent Countdowns to Christmas. They use Christmas to tell us what is missing in our lives and how their product will fill the void. But the void of despair is not easily filled with anything that can be purchased. So much has been commercialized. I long for messages of hope and belonging, but instead, I see bright red signs with big buckles that read “Believe.” I don’t need to “believe” in a guy that only brings toys to the good children, and let’s face it, to the children whose parents have the means to bring them.
The commercialization of Santa has become the very opposite of what Jesus was sent to earth to do, and my resentment is growing.
I feel like there has been an evangelical push to “claim Christmas back” in recent years, but this has felt like an attack on non-Christians more than a true effort to acknowledge the birth of the Christ child, so I have separated myself from this messaging. Signs that read “Jesus is the Reason for the Season” in yards next to inflatable Rudolf and Frosty (and Confederate Flags) feel wrong to me. And, there’s more going on during this season than just Christmas; Hanukkah for example - the Festival of Dedication, that John 10: 22-23 tells us Jesus himself traveled to Jerusalem to celebrate.
A pastor friend of mine says each year during the season of Lent, the secular world has taken Advent and Christmas from us, but they never seem to want Lent? He isn’t wrong. I often feel that Advent and Christmas have been lost, stolen, cooped. Sweet baby Jesus is missing from the parties, and Elf on the Shelf, and Santa’s reindeer, and presents, debt, and more presents. The older I get, the more I have waves of resentment for the pre-Christmas hustle and bustle.
Anyone Else Feeling Like This?
What I need right now is to believe in a God who sent a baby, God’s only Son, into the world in the greatest and most selfless act of love known. I need to hear that God recognized the darkness in the world then, and God recognizes it now. Many of us find ourselves in the darkness this Christmas. If you find yourself in the darkness, if you are feeling alone, cast out, shame, guilt, anger, disappointment, or fear, God knows your darkness.
And just as God sent the Christ Child into the world that first Christmas Eve, God breaks through the darkness, every second of every day to be the light in your heart, in your mind, in your whole being. When the weight of the world is too heavy or too dark to feel that presence of Holy Light, know that God still shines, and it is not dependent on you or your awareness. You are not alone.
You are never left alone.
Also, know this little liturgical secret. Christmas, the 12 days of Christmas, starts at midnight tonight, Christmas Eve. When the rest of the world begins to take down their lights, and trees, and inflatables, and “Jesus is the Reason for the Season” signs, may you instead find that quietness and stillness that allows you to feel the warmth of the light of Christ glowing from within. May you travel the 12 Days of Christmas in a way that brings joy and rest for the weariness you feel this day. God did not send the Christ Child that only some may know the light, but that All may know the light and all means you too!
Closing Prayer
God of Light, we come to you this holiday season with feelings of resentment, grief, loneliness, exclusion, shame, guilt, anger, disappointment, and fear, but you God know our darkness. You know our whole selves and your radical love for us came down on the First Noel to be a shining force in our darkness. We can’t always see the light or feel the warmth it can bring, but we know that even in those moments, you work to shine brighter for us. We give you thanks this day for the gift of your son, Jesus Christ. May we, in our darkness, recognize your great love and light that never goes out. Amen