God was there, comforting me with, “ask me instead.” The problem was that I never recognized it for what it was. I didn’t have the skills to recognize it. I was busy with my Sunday School lessons memorizing and reciting. I never learned how to listen, I only learned how to absorb. So, as I struggled with not living a life worthy of God, I just thought it was me not listening, rebelling, or rejecting this critical piece of life that was required for salvation.

Throughout my childhood, an act was either a sin or it wasn’t. Being saved meant asking Jesus Christ to be your personal Lord and Savior and then not messing up moving forward. If you did mess up, you must ask for forgiveness to be safe/saved. But, as I grew in my life and faith and met new people in other denominations, my firm foundation was crumbling. Today, as I sat down to write a reflection on the upcoming text from New Year’s Day, I realized it was Matthew 25: 31-46, one of my favorites. It felt like a blatant Holy Spirit moment that I use this text to continue on with the Pondering Part 1 post.

At first, there was this idea that perhaps some actions had been mislabeled. That did a number on my heart and my head. If the church authorities were wrong about some things, then how was I to be certain they were not wrong about all things. And if I can’t be certain then it means I can’t be saved.