Forgiveness + Reconciliation
Today’s Scripture Reading
Dear Friend,
Today’s Scripture lesson that appeared this past Sunday is full of content that we need to explore. Before we do though, I want to state clearly that this scripture has been used again and again to inflict guilt and expectations that those who are being abused by a partner or family member must forgive and stay. This is an abuse of scripture and power and it is completely wrong! If you are or have experienced abuse of any kind, you are a child of God who has value and you deserve to FEEL and BE safe! If you need help, please email me and I will work to get you in touch with a local organization that can help you navigate your current situation. This is not a small thing, so I wanted to start here.
Now, what does it really mean to love your enemy, forgive, turn the other cheek, give your coat, and not judge your neighbors?
First, let’s set the stage that Jesus has just been telling the disciples and the crowd about the “blessed are you’s” and “woes are you.” As we explored this text using the Ignatian method last week we listened from within the crowd for what Jesus is saying to us.
Jesus had the ear of the crowd, but like all crowds, they are fickle and come in and out of awareness and attention. Jesus starts this next piece of the journey with:
But I say to you that listen…
Friend, you are here, reading The Missive, as a way to practice deeper listening. Jesus is speaking specifically in this text to those who are actively listening, who are ready to receive the message. The very fact that he says, “you who are listening,” means that some are not listening and that they are not ready to listen.
Jesus knows that loving our neighbors is hard. Jesus knows that forgiveness is hard. He knows that we are attached to our possessions and we are likely to fight back if someone hurts us or attacks us. Is Jesus saying that if we can’t respond as this scripture demands that we are less Christian, less faithful? No. Jesus knows that at different times along our faith journey we will be able to get closer to these things, but that will change as our life and our circumstances change.
What Jesus truly knows and is trying to help those who are listening understand is that holding on to possessions, hate, judgments, and resentment put us in prisons of our own making.
This is not a message of command from Jesus, but rather a message of compassion.
Friends, when someone hurts you or wrongs you and you hold tight to your pain and resentment and judgments, you are walling yourself off from the world. You approach the world from a place of disconnect and this makes it harder to live in peace and joy and love. This is what Jesus wants for us, this is why he came. He knows these things are hard and that we will need help.
One of the ways over the years that I have found “help” in these practices of healing is to recognize that forgiveness is different than reconciliation. Forgiveness is freedom for me - it releases me from the prisons I create for myself that help me cope with hurt, betrayal, and the wrong-doing of others.
Reconciliation is about the other person and the actual relationship. Reconciliation is about deciding how far back into my life I am going to allow the other person to come. It involves repair of the relationship, trust-building, safety evaluation, and relationship healing.
Forgiveness and reconciliation happen differently and are not necessarily dependent on each other.
I can forgive as an act of freeing myself but still not have trust enough to reconcile the relationship, and at times that is appropriate. We need permission to heal well, forgive well, and reconcile well. Jesus isn’t saying you “must” do these things or else. Jesus is saying, I give you the gift of forgiveness so that you might live a life of peace and love and joy, but when those things don’t come easily or at all, I remain here with you, calling you back to listen and feel my love and forgiveness for you.
Processing for Deeper Listening
This week, I invite you to make a list of those who have wronged you. What prisons have you created for yourself as you hold tightly to resentment, fear, judgment, and hurt? Write the words “Enemies & Frustrations” as a category on your prayer list in your journal and then, in pencil write the names or a couple of words that trigger for you those prisons. It is important to write them in pencil.
Begin praying for these people or circumstances each day during your daily prayer practice. I started this practice during seminary and what I learned is that the person may never change - which means no reconciliation is possible. But friends, I change. There is something truly holy about getting to the point where I can walk out of that prison and erase someone or a circumstance off my list. I invite you to begin trying this, especially as we move into Lent next week. Let me know how it goes.
Grace and peace,
Mitzie
Today’s Deeper Practice
This is a prayer I wrote for Morning Prayers when this scripture came up this week.